ps i'm pretty sure i was blacked out when we hooked up? good thing i was w. you and not an actual diddler or an organ harvester
Hahaha. Shut up you were blacked out my ass. U were str8 mixin it up with urs truly like it was ur J-O-B
The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
Randomize