sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
Randomize
