I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
Randomize
