I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
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