I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
Randomize
