Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
Randomize
