Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
Randomize
