I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
One small step for man, one big gay fierce leap for gays!
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
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