Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
Randomize
