Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
Randomize
