Thanks for last night it was amazing as always
What are you talking about
You've got to be kidding me
did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
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