My brain says no but my pants say off.
I think I won the penis lottery.
AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
the teacher just ate a hash brownie and passed out on the bus best field trip 2010'
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
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