I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
Randomize
