I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
This couple is walking their pig around campus
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
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