Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
my poor anus
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
Randomize
