So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
It was like getting head from an anaconda
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
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