You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
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