I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
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