i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
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