someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
I didn't realize how trashy of a night we had.
Welllll, you did eat a cherry out of my pussy. So I think that classes it up a little.
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
Randomize
