rhymes with "ouble enetration"
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
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