I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
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