i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
not ubering you a puppy
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
Randomize
