I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
Randomize
