people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
Randomize
