why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
Is the Glover Park Chipotle past the strip club?
Why is that your only point of reference?
Just answer the question
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
Randomize
