i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
Randomize
