That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
Randomize
