Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
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