her vagine was all disorganized.
I hraet yuo
did you say you heart me or hate me?
who is this?
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
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