get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
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