if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
Randomize
