Mind blown. Apparently, it's PRErogative, not PERogative. I blame Bobby Brown.
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
Randomize
