Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
Randomize
