it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
Randomize
