hi i'm bored and kind of... in a sort of dirty mood
pics
no i'm at a mixer dressed up as the teenage mutant ninja turtles
Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
Randomize
