Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
It sounds like heaven mixed with world peace and orgasms. The acoustics in this car are awesome. Or it's the weed idk either way it's great
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
Randomize
