If i come over, it means nothing
Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
i admit it was a weird experience, but why regret what once made you cum
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
Randomize
