I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
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