piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
Randomize
