Welp...herpes.
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
whose parrot is this?
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
Randomize
