I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
Bought asot tix too. After Saturday I'm gonna be reborn like Jesus and no drugs until edc
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
It's official. I'm gonna fuck hot art class guy. But this won't be like hot Samsung guy. I'm gonna make sure I follow through this time.
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
Randomize
