I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
i hope thats the last time i ever see ryan's hairy ass fucking
my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
Randomize
