I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
If i could tip my vagina, i would.
It was confusing and full of hummus
the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
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