My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
Randomize
