Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
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