oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
Randomize
