that's fine. btw we still need $500 for the donkey...
I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
soooo we both peed the bed last night...
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
Randomize
