i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
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