after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
Randomize