Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
Randomize
