and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
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