When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
This hot topless Jamaican just ran down the st with me on his back and He was screaming "I be stealing yo white ladies."
I don't know if i should be jealous or worried... or question where you are.
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
Randomize