Ohh the wonderful, yet disgusting things she can do with her hair
i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
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