Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
Do u kno any dealers?
I've officially lost all respect for you, dad.
hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
Ok say I was sexually attracted to a patient who also happens to be in high school...on how many levels is that illegal? And will I actually hear the laws break when I fuck him
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
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