why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
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