I want to take things slow emotionally, but fast physically
My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
Randomize
