Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
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