Bc you can definitely buy condoms if ur a 14 year old girl
Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
Randomize
