I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
Who wears a wallet chain?!
yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
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