So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
Randomize
