how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
What I dont get, is for a man with a penis his size, to choose to go back with another girl instead of one that he says is the best sex he's ever had. He cant afford to be picky.
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
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