Damn I can't remmbre the last tome I had sobr sex
Um. I believe with my boyfriend, slut
Fuck. Wron person. But yea
You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
Randomize
