I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
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