Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
Randomize
