im gay
i know
yea but for you.
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
did you just send me my own nude
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
Randomize
