I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
Going to the u of w I constantly have that moment of, oh hey I felt you up at that rave at folk fest that one time. Winnipeg is too small.
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
Randomize
