rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
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