just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
Randomize
