when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
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