New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
Hes back in his dorm room dancing naked with 3D glasses on.
and he said that acid doesnt really do anything to him...
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
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