Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
Randomize
