fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
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