my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
I wouldn't necessarily call it an addiction, more of a passion. I'm habitually passionate.
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
Randomize
