I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
Randomize
