Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
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