I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
We just watched planet earth in marine bio. And our prof told us that was all we were doing on 420
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
Randomize
