I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
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